When we embarked on ‘Busted Flush’ I joined a couple of online menopause discussion groups.
The first thing that is so shocking when you view the discussions day after day is the reinforcement of the lack of information, lack of medical guidance and expertise, the repeated misdiagnoses, the all-too-ready prescriptions for anti-depressants which are pointless and wrong, the bewilderment of family members and, worst of all, the utter helplessness of millions of women every day wondering where their poise, health and equilibrium has gone.
The second thing that is so shocking is when you remind yourself that women have been going through this since Eve and, in 2021, it remains such a frightening, personal struggle for so many.
What is uplifting is the ready advice, support and comparisons of experience that flow through these discussions.
There is no need for lengthy explanation or apology: women are swift to share what knowledge they have, what their own researches have thrown up and what their own experiences have been.
Ranging from the benefits of magnesium, turmeric and the Ladycare magnet to whether HRT is a gift from God or the Devil, this is where you will find much of the generous chat and reflection that is so essential, making how we tackle the menopause part of our normal growth and development.
And then, this week, this post appeared:
“If I could end my life, I would.”
It took my breath away.
Not because I was shocked, but because of the simplicity of the statement.
Within those eight words was the whole story: desperation, misunderstanding, fear, loss of self, loss of hope, loss of what used to make the world a familiar place.
The author of the post did not add any other detail, but I have heard, seen and personally experienced so much of what would lead a woman to write this despairing, quiet realisation.
The shouting and screaming are long past, the fury and indignation have evaporated: what is left is a lonely, frightening tunnel with no seeming way out.
Her words also took my breath away because this is where Laura, the protagonist of ‘Busted Flush’, finds herself. She has come to the end of questions and waiting for answers, watched a chasm open up between herself and her loved ones; exhausted and out of options, the darkness is all she faces.
Those eight words could have been Laura’s.
Since Louise and I embarked on this ‘Busted Flush’ journey, we have championed the need to open up the subject, getting all men and women talking, young men and women learning, everyone listening.
So we celebrate the divine Davina in her recent Channel 4 documentary
‘Sex, Myths and the Menopause’.
Do yourself a favour and watch.
She nails the emotions – shame, embarrassment, fear, anger, anxiety.
She nails the symptoms – dizziness, hair loss, vaginal dryness, loss of libido, indigestion, tingling, tears, insomnia and the downward spiral to not wanting to go on.
She nails medical ignorance and lack of training for GP’s, the HRT question, younger women facing early menopause, exercise and wellbeing, orgasms, sex and vaginal atrophy.
She is getting the chatter out there and turning up the volume.
It is true enough that many women sail through their menopause years barely noticing that anything is changing. They realise suddenly that their periods have stopped – liberation! Now on to enjoying life without monthly visits from Aunt Flow.
It is also true that many women have enough symptoms to know that their bodies and minds are readjusting, but not severe enough or debilitating enough to cause much trouble. That is fabulous!
We should document every woman’s experience, good, bad and ugly, as part of the chatter. Like adolescence, like pregnancy and childbirth, like aging into your dotage, it is going to be different for everyone.
And while we cheer for the good experiences, we should keep close in our consciousness the bad and the ugly.
Just because it’s a total breeze for some does not mean that we brush the less appealing stories under the carpet.
Being isolated, terrified and without hope in 2021 because of a normal biological change is NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Finding that there is no way through the thorns and chasms in 2021 because of a normal biological change is NOT ACCEPTABLE.
Listen to each other, tell the stories, keep the conversations going.
“You don’t have to be menopausal. You don’t have to be a woman. This is something everyone needs to know." Davina McCall
Well said, Miranda! Spot on ... xx